I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
