I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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