That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
