I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have fence marks all over my body
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
