I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
