I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
