Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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