Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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