just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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