Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
