I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
