What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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