she was so not down for the gang bang
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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