3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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