so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
