I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
