Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
