what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
