u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
