I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
