Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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