They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
NoShamevember. You game?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
