then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
