CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
