if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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