Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
