"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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