when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
