is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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