Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
