Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
