my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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