so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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