I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
