i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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