I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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