and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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