The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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