Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
