i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
