I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
