The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
