idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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