Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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