He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
