yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
