mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
