i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
