Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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