he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
